“He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.”
Since I was nine years old, I had been fighting MRSA Staph, antibiotic resistance staph, yet was not diagnosed with it till I was 27. Over years of antibiotic use had left me allergic to most of the antibiotics used to treat it. I had started looking into to treating it naturally and thought I had it under control until August of 2010. With my husband and oldest son gone to Arizona for a men’s retreat with the church we went to before we moved to Texas, I was home alone with my 11 year old son. That was when one outbreak popped up in the back of my neck. I started doubling up on what I was taking and to my horror it just kept increasing in size. It got to the size of my fist at the base of the skull. I could feel the pressure on the brain. I was praying that God would not let me die with my son at home alone. When my husband got back he took a picture and we emailed it to my mom. The staph had started to go down. My mom took the picture into her Chiropractor and he said I was lucky to be living in the Dallas area because one of the best in his field has an office there. When I got the nerve up to call and make an appointment, it was early November before I went to see him. Not because he was that busy but because I waited until my husband was off to drive me. When I saw him the first time the staph was still active. Thus began my journey in healing not just my body but also my emotions.
A year or more into this journey I went in to see him by myself, for by then he treated the whole family. This time it was one of those life changing visits. During the treatment, he told me that if I didn’t let go of the bitterness I would never be healed. That just floored me. I wanted to ask how do I do that but I know him all to well and that it was something only I could do. Once I got in the car and headed home, for it is a 90-minute drive, I asked the Lord to show me the bitterness I needed to get rid of. The tears started pouring down my cheeks and blurring my vision at times. Pulling the band-aid off left a big ugly sore of festering emotions. Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine about writing this and Kay responded with, “Bitterness keeps us from feeling.” Now that I had pulled off the bitterness band aid my emotions that were buried under it were exposed, raw, and rushing out.
Once I got home I grabbed my Bible, the Strong’s Concordance, and locked myself in my room to do a study on bitterness. I came across the story about King Hezekiah having a boil that almost caused his death. That just blew my mind because boils are a form of staph. I read the story in Isaiah 38 over and over again. As I did there was no doubt that the staph was caused by bitterness, just as my doctor had said. It was in the NASB version of verse 17, that I totally understood what we use bitterness for;
“Lo, for my own welfare I had great bitterness; It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness, For You have cast all my sins behind Your back.”
4 thoughts on “Ripping Off the Band-Aid of Bitterness”
Bonnie, thank you for this heartfelt and heart-healing post. It gave peace anew for my God-prompted choice awhile back to forgive someone for their unrelenting evilness (I use that word deliberately) ~ but ~ also my decision to stay far, far away from their venom and sting. Blessings!
Jenna, I’m glad that it helped you. I know exactly where you are coming from with your decision. It is hard being around toxic people. You have to protect yourself from those type of people. Even now I set boundaries on allowing them into my life.
Bonnie so thankful you sought His truth to heal. I know bitterness all too well, and I pray to grow closer to Jesus each day to keep those demons out. May God continue to bless your life and your writing.
Praying for you too.