Ripping Off the Band-Aid of Bitterness

Pulling a band-aid off is never fun, especially if it is stuck to the wound.  When I had my accident years ago the nurses would change my bandages on my left leg twice a day. There was an abrasion on my left knee that no matter what they did to it, the bandage would always stick and it was not healing because the scab would be removed.  It wasn’t until the doctor called in a wound specialist did she bring in a new type of plastic bandage that was made to heal that type of wound, did it begin to heal. Likewise, with our emotional hurts, if we apply the wrong type of bandage to them they will not heal properly until we call on our Wound Care Specialist. He knows just what needs to be done. In Psalms 147:3, we see what exactly He sepecializes in,

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“He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.”

We tend to use bitterness as a band-aid for our emotional wounds. I know this all too well. My dad was emotionally abusive. Yes, every time he would do something I would say to myself that I would forgive, because that is what I had to do. When it seemed it was the same hurt over and over again I applied the band-aid of bitterness on. I forgive BUT…..”do not expect me to trust you not to do that again” or “you better not do that again” was the band-aid. Over the years the bitterness let anger, resentment, depression and other harmful emotions fester. Every once in a while the puss would ooze out of the band-aid. Little did I know what it was doing to me physically.

Since I was nine years old, I had been fighting MRSA Staph, antibiotic resistance staph, yet was not diagnosed with it till I was 27. Over years of antibiotic use had left me allergic to most of the antibiotics used to treat it. I had started looking into to treating it naturally and thought I had it under control until August of 2010. With my husband and oldest son gone to Arizona for a men’s retreat with the church we went to before we moved to Texas, I was home alone with my 11 year old son. That was when one outbreak popped up in the back of my neck. I started doubling up on what I was taking and to my horror it just kept increasing in size. It got to the size of my fist at the base of the skull. I could feel the pressure on the brain. I was praying that God would not let me die with my son at home alone. When my husband got back he took a picture and we emailed it to my mom.  The staph had started to go down. My mom took the picture into her Chiropractor and he said I was lucky to be living in the Dallas area because one of the best in his field has an office there. When I got the nerve up to call and make an appointment, it was early November before I went to see him. Not because he was that busy but because I waited until my husband was off to drive me. When I saw him the first time the staph was still active. Thus began my journey in healing not just my body but also my emotions.

A year or more into this journey I went in to see him by myself, for by then he treated the whole family. This time it was one of those life changing visits. During the treatment, he told me that if I didn’t let go of the bitterness I would never be healed. That just floored me. I wanted to ask how do I do that but I know him all to well and that it was something only I could do. Once I got in the car and headed home, for it is a 90-minute drive, I asked the Lord to show me the bitterness I needed to get rid of. The tears started pouring down my cheeks and blurring my vision at times. Pulling the band-aid off left a big ugly sore of festering emotions. Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine about writing this and Kay responded with, “Bitterness keeps us from feeling.”  Now that I had pulled off the bitterness band aid my emotions that were buried under it were exposed, raw, and rushing out.

Once I got home I grabbed my Bible, the Strong’s Concordance, and locked myself in my room to do a study on bitterness. I came across the story about King Hezekiah having a boil that almost caused his death. That just blew my mind because boils are a form of staph. I read the story in Isaiah 38 over and over again. As I did there was no doubt that the staph was caused by bitterness, just as my doctor had said.  It was in the NASB version of verse 17,  that I totally understood what we use bitterness for;

“Lo, for my own welfare I had great bitterness; It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness, For You have cast all my sins behind Your back.” 

Right there in black and white, King Hezekiah had spelled it out, “for my own welfare…” Some of the other version say, “for my peace….” Bitterness is our attempt to stop the emotional hurt. We want to be at peace within ourselves and instead of seeking the peace God has provided we use something God never planned for us to use.